"Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this guy -- but we killed him"
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"Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams."
Mary Ellen Kelly
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Now we are all sons of bitches.
Kenneth Bainbridge, physicist, on the occasion of the Trinity atomic bomb test (7/16/45)
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The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.
Karl Marx
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If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ...it would have been much better.
Karl Marx's mother
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Lincoln's Gettysburg address has 226 words, The Ten commandments has 296 words. The US dept. of agriculture's order setting the price of cabbage has 15,269 words
Intelligence Advisor, 1993
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When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Eric Hoffer
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"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
Albert Einstein
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We are all contributing to the inevitable.
Unknown
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America is sick. It's a country that worships basketball players and supermodels as deities and treats the poor as an enemy. You can see a human being shot to death on network television, but a human breast is too obscene to make the cut. We love war, we love our country, but we hate each other. Our entire society is structured around making money, often at the expense of another, and "entertainment" assures us that it's all normal. Families are almost nonexistent, and the only safe neighborhoods are patrolled by armed guards with attack dogs.
www.crashsite.com
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No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom
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You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle
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If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
Murphy's Laws
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If it jams - force it.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Lowery's Law
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All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into 'Best of Queen' albums.
Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens
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I think you're right, Wyatt. I can't see a god damn thing.
Morgan Earp, finally accepting his brothers refusal to believe in life after death
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I drank what?
Said to be the last words of Socrates
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Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?
(The real) last words of Socrates
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"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."
Jim Harkins
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If I don't meet you no more in this world
Then I'll see you in the next one
Don't be late
Jimi Hendrix
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"When I was in prison I was wrapped up in all those deep books. That Tolstoy crap. People shouldn't read that stuff. When we read these books what purpose does it serve in this day and time?"
Mike Tyson
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In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: Magic and bullshit.
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It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
Dolph Sharp
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Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in Chicago... we're one of them."
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Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.
Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.
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As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, " but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
Dick Wilson
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"A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs."
Audobon Society Magazine
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You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio
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I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
English Professor, Ohio University
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"You know, it's at times like this when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she say?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."
Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
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He had this van that was painted all around, you know, with large Feynman diagrams. And you know, most people would look at those diagrams, of course, and they would look like some squiggly lines and they would mean nothing. But every so often, obviously, someone would see them and say, "Why do you have Feynman diagrams on your van?" And he would say, "Because I'm Richard Feynman."
NOVA: "The Best Mind Since Einstein"
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"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the
relentless march of science in 1949
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"We anticipate a global world-maket with place for perhaps five computers."
Tom Watson, IBM 1949
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God does not play dice with the universe.
Albert Einstein
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God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens
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- Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!
- Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober.
Lady Astor and Winston Churchill
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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain
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It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read a book of quotations
Winston Churchill
